Semaaaaa

Ha!! This is awesome. I'm sitting in the high speed inet cafe in Nairobi and it is hot as HELL so I'm all sweaty and nasty (which isn't too out of the ordinary) and the power keeps flickering on and off. A wise man once said, "TIA" (Leo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond. Right around the time when he disses the Peace Corps. Classic.). But, so, yeah. TIA. *cringe. :)

I had a three hour matatu ride (to Nairobi) to think of insightful things I wanted to post when I got here, and now I'm sitting here and all I can think is to make horrible movie references. Hmmm.

I guess I can get the ball rolling by saying that the past week has been a bit intense. We got back from our future site visits, and people kind of started dropping like flies (slash... deciding to "early terminate" and go back to the states). I guess it's pretty common after future site visit, but it still really sucks, particularly since two of the three people who left happened to be the closest volunteers (distance wise) to me. No more volunteer 5km away; no more volunteer in the next town either. I was pretty affected by people deciding to leave for a couple reasons; first, I've realized that because so much of this experience is a TOTAL mystery until whatever it is happens, I put a lot of emotional weight in to my expectations. In fact, they are really all I have to go off of, and they are what keep me sane sometimes (it's hard to not know what your life will be like in 2 weeks). So, I expected to have a buddy 5km away to walk to market with, to speak EE (effortless English) with, etc. etc... and in an instant, my entire imaginary world of expectations crumbled.

PC lesson #482: Do not invest so much (or anything) in your expectations. Often, they are just crap and fall apart and actually make you feel WORSE than the slight discomfort/anxiety you felt because you didn't know what to expect. So there.

After I got over the initial shock ("People can actually just LEAVE??"), I started to feel really wonderful about not wanting/being ready at all to leave (no offense). I mean... I haven't done anything yet. And... the community I went and visited is really expecting and wanting me to come. How could I not go back and at least try? I have the luxury of picking up and leaving whatever challenges of daily life I get next to for the next two years whenever I want. The people I am going to be living with don't have that choice. So... to not even show my face again seems (what's the word).... wrong? Some volunteers suggested that I request a site change so that I can be closer to other volunteers, but it's not like my community's need for a volunteer is going anywhere just because TWO other volunteers bailed. On the contrary, now there are THREE (at least) organizations that are expecting help and only one of me. I can't WAIT to go back, to be honest... and I hate to sound like such a cheerleader, but really. I want to show these communities that I am really serious about being here... and that I really consider myself lucky to be working with them... and that I'm not just going to leave because it's hard.

Having said that... I have NO idea how I'm going to get all my stuff to site now, particularly without any travel buddies. But... hey. I'll figure it out. I'm a fighter. :) It's weird that other people leaving made me feel so good (not initially, obviously, but after the fact)-- now it just seems much more real to be here. Knowing that I can leave, easily, at any time (by choice) makes me really excited and happy about my choice, every day, to stick it out. Ha. I'm such a cheese ball. Mmmm. Cheese. God. I miss cheese. *sigh.

I toured the Nairobi Peace Corps office today. It was.... an office... in Nairobi.... for the Peace Corps. Good. Good. I did score a couple books from the volunteer book collection-- among others, I'm going to read "marathon training for dummies." I figure if I can become a good runner in Kenya, I'll be unstoppable at home. Who knows.

Other than that, I think I need another three hour matatu ride to think of more to post (this one is too long already). I will be back in Kitui tomorrow, so... I'll try to post more this week. Thank you, all of you for all your emails of support-- you have no idea how much they mean to me. They really do make my days (especially on days when I get followed and laughed at by groups of school children. I went to church with my family to be nice, and even at CHURCH I was like the village freak. At church. I thought I would be safe. Alas, no. Who knew?).

I hope all is well. Much love.

H